


Vacation Time

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad movies, Friendship, Gen, Matt being observant, Movie Night, Post-Episode: s04e06 A New Defender, Relaxation, Swearing, Team as Family, breakfast cereal, laughing, showing Keith The Voltron Show, teaching Coran and Allura about The Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 07:51:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15967940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: What better way to celebrate a sibling reunion and Keith surviving than with the worst movie ever made, followed by The Voltron Show?





	Vacation Time

They'd missed him so much while he'd been gone, even with Shiro to be the leader again it wasn't the same without Keith being Keith. And after he'd nearly sacrificed himself for the team, they weren't ready to let him leave again so fast.

"Just take a few quadrants off and hang with us!" Hunk had begged, and combined with Pidge's puppy-dog eyes and Shiro...existing, Keith caved.

That was how the eight of them had wound up a human can of sardines, in the lounge, Matt grinning as he unlocked a movie channel. Familiar TV was harder to come by in space, but hacking made just about anything possible. Matt had seen to it before leaving for Kerberos, after all.

"So tell us again what exactly this 'The Room' is?" Allura asked. Lance grinned.

"It's a laugh riot! Weird-looking guy tries to paint himself as some tragic hero, some girl doesn't wanna settle down yet, guy likes to watch, everyone acts like they got drunk before rehearsals."

"There's a dog in it, too!" Pidge piped up. "A pug!"

"A cinnamon roll pug, too cute for this world," Lance added, clearly over Matt having made eyes at Allura when they first met. Matt still wasn't sure if those two were actually a thing or Lance was just being a brat, but he was relieved it hadn't wrecked their ability to be friends. Pidge had told Matt too many good things about everyone on the team for him to be okay with that.

"I always thought it was bulldog, but the breeds aren't that different," Keith said from where he sat sandwiched between Shiro and Hunk. The prospect time off was already doing wonders for him, he actually looked cozy and relaxed. _Believe it or not, he does know how to chill out,_ Pidge had said.

The movie started, everyone dug into the snacks, and it didn't take long for the first mouthful of space popcorn to spray at the sheer _what the fuck_ itude of Tommy Wiseau's "acting."

"Sorry!" Allura giggled, hurriedly mopping up the mess with a napkin. "That's just- _amazingly_ terrible! Did he actually-you say they actually _rehearsed_ this performance? And that's what they chose?"

"It's even funnier than _The Voltron Show_ ," Matt chuckled. "Which reminds me, we've got to show Keith those tapes after this!" Keith smiled wryly.

"I hear Allura had to take my place. Sorry in advance, Allura."

"I'm over it." The princess shrugged. "I did learn it's not easy being you, however."

"You dodged a bullet, Keith," Shiro said. "Coran wanted me to dress up in skintight threads...like, the kind of thing _gymnasts_ wear." Keith's face flushed.

"Yeah...that sounds bad, all right." Yeah, Keith was still carrying that torch for Shiro, Matt noted. Some things never changed.

Half an hour in, they figured out how to time their eating so they could swallow safely during the less ridiculous moments. That didn't stop Lance from knocking over a space cola during the flower shop scene, though, and Hunk from toppling onto the floor, Pidge sprawled across him.

She looked awfully cozy, too, Matt noticed. Was there something his little sister needed to tell him about _this_ particular relationship? Oh, well, there would be time for more questions later. Right now, it was time to make fun of Johnny and his first-world woes.

"They're... _making love_ on a _staircase?!_ " Allura gasped. "H-how can that be even remotely comfortable?" Lance, beside her, was actually blushing and trying not to look at the screen.

"It's better not to question the logic, trust me," he mumbled.

"Mark's actor wrote a book about all of this," Shiro said. "Half of it was about his relationship to Wiseau and the other half was about the filming. It was even _more_ of a train wreck behind the scenes."

"It's a good book," Keith added. "I'm almost done with the copy Shiro loaned me."

"It'd make for a good bedtime story!" Coran interjected. "And the mice can act out the parts!" Allura grinned.

"They're very good actors, you know." Matt believed her.

During the infamous _you're tearing me apart!_ scene, Keith ended up laughing so hard they had to pause the movie. Mostly because it was contagious and every time they stopped, someone had to repeat a line and get them all started again.

"I'd forgotten how _fucking incredible_ that line was," Matt gasped when they'd finally caught their breath. "No matter how many times you see it, it never stops being funny."

"I could make a really gross joke about how else she should _tear him apart_ , but we've had to sit through enough of their bad sex," Lance said. "So I'll be good for once."

"Maybe he's secretly made of paper!" Coran suggested. "Then she could rip him up!"

"He's an alien," Allura said, "clearly. His lack of social skills, his appearance, his ridiculous voice and line delivery, there's no way he's a normal Earthling!" Lance's eyes lit up.

"See, that's what I always said, but no one believed me! I mean, they went along with it but they just treated it like a theory," he said.

Alien or not, Johnny's antics kept everyone laughing, rolling their eyes, and facepalming repeatedly. Matt had forgotten how _pointless_ the football scenes were, and and the kids sneaking into Johnny's place to have sex would have been cute if they'd been in a different movie.

Actually, about half the cast deserved to be in a better movie. Was it any wonder Denny was so screwed up with Johnny as his father figure?

"Why didn't the guy with the gun just kill them all?" Keith sighed.

"I don't even think he was supposed to be in the movie," Pidge said.

More football, tuxedos, Johnny being an idiot, and finally it was almost time for _the_ penultimate scene. Matt was sorely tempted to sing a horrible falsetto of that _It's My Party_ song from way back before even Dad's time, but the idea made him cringe.

"So I guess Johnny's real name should be Mr. Brightside?" he offered.

During the so-called climax, everyone was laughing again, and this time they just _couldn't stop_. Especially when Lance and Pidge started reciting the scene word for word in the squeakiest puppet voices they could manage without choking. Eric Cartman fighting with Miss Piggy over her having an affair with The Cheat.

(If someone out there hadn't actually written a fanfic about that, Matt would be shocked.)

"Oh God, this is actually the best part! See, normally something like this should make you puke. But the first time I saw it I-just watch, it's hilarious," Hunk said. Sure enough, a moment that would be triggering to hell and back in a better movie looked like Johnny had taken a bite out of one of Cartman's chocolate guns and fallen onto a puddle of red paint.

"Oh my _goodness!_ Did he-did he just-" Allura blushed. "Were we _supposed_ to find...I mean, this man just-"

"Trust me, in a movie that treats _breast cancer_ like a mild setback, this is normal," Shiro snickered. "I showed Keith this movie, let him know in advance so he could hide under a pillow, but all he asked was-"

" _Was that supposed to be sad? Cause I'm laughing._ Yeah, I remember." Keith snorted. He and Pidge lay sprawled across everyone's laps at this point, the perks of being the shortest ones there. Matt proudly remembered the first time he'd shown her this movie, while their parents were out on a date. Of course she'd been able to pick out the bad special effects, and no way was she going to feel sorry for Johnny.

"Everyone thinks Lisa's an idiot for asking if he's dead, but I honestly can't blame her for wondering," Pidge was saying just now. "Given Johnny's attention whoring tendencies and how that red stuff obviously isn't blood, she could've figured he was just faking it."

"People have faked their own deaths for less," Matt said.

"And it just... _ends_ with the police arriving?" Coran gasped. "No aftermath? No fallout from the horrible things all these people have done to each other?!"

"Hey, as long as the dog gets a happy ending I don't give a damn," Pidge said.

"So _this_ is some sort of treasure on Earth, then?" Allura asked. "Is it truly the worst film ever created?"

"Oh, there's plenty worse," Lance said, "but a lot of them are pornos. Or hard to find."

"But more on that later!" Coran piped up. "We must show Keith every episode of _The Voltron Show_ next!" Keith cringed.

"Just how cheesy is this gonna be?" Allura smiled, pulling him up to sit between her and Shiro. Hunk and Pidge had decided the floor was more comfortable after all.

"Very. But in retrospect, it was part of the fun."

"Even if you had to be a bratty, surly, team-abandoning ass like me?" Keith asked, then grinned. "Just kidding. I'm sure you made a great me...in a pinch."

"If it makes you feel better, no one was really being themselves except Lance," Shiro chuckled as Coran slid the first disc in.

"I wonder if this means you guys are gonna end up getting a breakfast cereal," Matt pondered. "I'm picturing colorful marshmallow blobs meant to look like the lions."

"With free action figures inside?" Pidge said hopefully. When they were younger, finding a toy in the cereal box had been half the reason to beg their parents for whatever sugary cereal had caught their eye that week.

"Or free with two proofs of purchase, plus two bucks shipping and handling."

"That doesn't sound free!" Coran protested. "No, no, when Voltron cereal hits the shelves, there _will_ be a toy in every box!"

The show started up, everyone but Keith, Coran, and Matt blushing intensely as they tried not to laugh.

"It's not so bad," Keith clearly lied. Pidge rolled her eyes.

" _You_ weren't the one having to say fake science things that didn't make any sense!"

"Better than some poor princess having to pretend to be a grumpy ass," Keith muttered, but he was smiling. Both he _and_ Pidge looked happier than Matt remembered seeing them look in a long time. Like they felt they belonged. From what he'd known of Keith in the old days he'd been a surly little thing who only ever smiled at one person, and Pidge had never been good at making friends.

_But no one makes fun of her for being smart here. I bet those dumb classmates of hers would eat their words and kiss her feet if they knew my little sister was a hero!_

Matt smiled, leaning against Shiro's other side. The show was one of the dumbest he'd ever seen, but if it got them all that support for the Coalition, Coran had obviously done something right.


End file.
